After hanging out on the 'patriot' scene for longer than we can remember, EDL News have decided to put together a helpful glossary for new comers.
Patriots come in all shapes and sizes but 95% of them are fat, bald and invariably drunk. Patriots defend England whilst in the pub.
Our glossary covers all kinds of patriotic activities and highlights pitfalls with some helpful warnings.
If any of you fellow patriots wish to add to the the gossary feel free. You will do so under the condition that this may be reproduced in the 'Idiot's Guide to Patriotism' or the Lonely Planet's Guide to Pakistan'.
Bus Wanker - A term coined after EDL Member Joanne Dickens fell out of a bus emergency exit whilst shouting abuse at the locals. Can refer to any EDL member who makes an arse out of themselves on a bus. Can also refer to any EDL member whose preferred transport method to demos is by coach or minibus.
Train Wanker - Refers to any EDL members who travel to demos by train. A prime example would be the EDL's Yorkshire Division who posted video of themselves being drunk and racist on a train and generally making themselves look like cocks.
NFSE/NS - Means 'No Fucking Surrender Ever' or just plain old 'No Surrender' if the typist is short of time and is busy being racist on the internet or is just plain lazy. Usually said just before they go on to lose a debate on Facebook and just before they surrender and delete their posts. Can also be heard the day after a demo when a hungover patriot wakes up with a sore head, in bed with an EDL Angel.
Meet and Greet - A gathering of like-minded racists in a pub who have possibly only ever chatted shit together on the internet and want to meet up and be racist person to person. Meet and greets involve patriots getting really pissed up and having a fight with someone else who attended the meet and greet or local plod. Meet and greets can invariably get out of hand and they may well go on to smash up a kebab shop.
EDL Angel - An oxymoron for morons. The foul mouthed female equivalent of their Stella swigging male counterparts. Can be a lot more vicious and racist than their male counterparts and like to get into fights, smash up kebab shops and piss themselves on demos. An 'angel' has probably had sexual encounters with six or more male EDL members with some topping twenty. Usually own dogs which would probably upstage them in a beauty contest. Famous EDL Angels include Hayley Wells who smashed up a kebab shop and ripped a load of people off on Ebay and Joanne Dickens who partook in some 'bus wanker' activities whilst on a racist day trip to Tower Hamlets. Invariably found in a rough, dirty old pub or sat at home typing 'open ur eyes' on a computer that is still running 'Windows 95'. Most non patriots would rather dig a dead badger up and shag it than wake up with and EDL angel.
Open ur eyes – A term often used by a patriots when he or she wants to make you believe that ‘pakis’ will be running the government after the next election.
Leadership - Invariably refers to a short bad tempered man who collects money to fund his coke habit. Also his tall cousin who deals in coke and anyone else who arse licks them enough. Also known as a demagogue who can do no wrong..
Fund raising - A gathering or social event to raise money for their leader's coke habit which invariably ends up with them getting into a fight with each other and/or local plod and smashing up a kebab house. Famous EDL funder raisers have been to rip the Royal British Legion off with poppy pin badges and filter the proceeds up to leadership for some coke and the selling of fridge magnets that bear the image of a murdered schoolgirl and funnel the profits back up to leadership to buy some more coke.
National Demonstration - A gathering of drunken patriots in a car park on the outskirts of a city centre where not many people can see or hear them. Characteristics are; bald, middle aged, drunken. The type of clothes they wear are snide Stone Island rip offs, EDL hoodies made in a Muslim country and may have a St George's Cross flag draped around them upside down. Numbers have recently hit 1,000 patriots at one gathering and declining. Many patriots have no idea why they are there or what they are protesting about.
Flash demo - A demo where a load of bored, bald, middle aged drunks turn up at a mosque and kick off and shout abuse. Flash demos can vary in size and depend if the football is on or not. One flash demo involved the storming of a KFC board meeting and then not knowing what to say to those gathered before having a rant about bacon.
Local demonstration - Can involve a load of drunk blokes spending a month standing outside a KFC in the middle of winter to protest about Halal chicken burgers, before finding out that branch served non-Halal food.
Halal – Food that is poisonous to patriots and parrots.
Burka - An item of clothing worn by an illegal immigrant.
Taqiyah - When a 'paki' takes the piss out of a patriot's trainers.
Casuals - Badly dressed Football hooligan division of the EDL. You can spot a casual as they do not look like they have bought any clothes since the 1980's. Usually attend EDL demos due to having five year football banning orders against them. They can often be seen squaring up to 'pakis' before being delivered a harsh and humiliating beating.
Hunger strike - If you have been punished under the two tier system and sent to jail, you can gain some sympathy and some much needed coke funds by claiming you are on hunger strike even when you are not. This is a win win situation as most of the muppets/patriots that follow you do not care when it turns out the hunger strike lasted no more than twenty-four hours and you went straight for some Halal food upon release. Also known as a massive tantrum.
Legal Fund - A fund set up to help patriots who have fallen foul of the two tier legal system and end up in prison. The legal fund invariably ends up getting spent on cocaine.
Two tier system - This is when a patriot is hauled before the courts for kicking off at a 'paki' and throwing verbal abuse and the 'paki' didn't get dragged before the courts for not kicking off and throwing racial abuse. Famous victims of the two tier system were when Tommy Robinson got banged up for breaking his bail conditions after he allegedly headbutted an ex service man and political prisoner and EDL founder Richard Price was caught with some dodgy kiddy pics on his PC. Also fairly well unknown are the ‘Durham Two’ who got twelve months for inflicting collective punishment on an innocent local businessman and a local mosque after some unconnected ‘poppy burners’ had done their business.
Poppy Burner - Anyone who looks Middle Eastern or south Asian. All Muslims and anyone who looks like a Muslim are likely to burn poppies.
Political Prisoner - A patriot who has been caught with some dodgy child porn pics on his computer.
PC Brigade - An imaginary brigade who roam the streets telling patriots they should not be racist and banning Christmas.
Lefties/Commies/Socialists - Anyone who has an issue with a patriot being racist. There are estimated to be a fraction short of 61,000,000 lefties, commies and socialists residing in the United Kingdom.
Justice - Justice is when patriots get a court fine for one offence but if a 'paki' does it he should be hung from the nearest lamp post and then deported.
No Justice - A situation where a 'paki' has not received a death sentence for a parking infringement.
A 'paki' - Anyone dark looking that patriots think should not be in the country. A Terrorist
A terrorist - Anyone who looks like a 'Paki'
Celebrity photo trap - This is when EDL leadership sneak up on unsuspecting celebrities and they kindly pose for a photo. That photo is then used to claim they have some celebrity endorsements. Famous celebrity endorsements have been Katie Price who called them 'cunts' when she found out and Premiership Footballer Joey Barton who referred to them as a 'group of mentally deficient right wing numpties'. A patriot should never approach anyone famous unless they are leadership and have hoovered Maradona style quantities of chang up their nose.
Waving at a Pigeon - A term used when a patriot has been photographed at an EDL demonstration with his right arm raised and the palm of his hand flat down. Can also be referred to as 'flagging down a taxi' or 'waving at a mate'.
No go zones - Areas of a town or city where patriots are not allowed to go. No one apart from patriots know where the no go zones are and non patriots never come across them. They can also refer to a local Wetherspoons that has banned patriots or football grounds when combined with a banning order. Libraries, book shops, colleges, universities and employment agencies are also no go areas for patriots.
Traitor - Someone who believes ‘paki bashing’ is fundamentally wrong. There are estimated to be just shy of 61,000,000 traitors resident in the UK. Can also be spelt ‘traytors’.
Incrimidate - The act of putting the frighteners on yourself in the hope that you'll do something to get yourself into trouble.
Islamic Takeover - An imaginary situation where UK government drops British laws in favour of extreme sharia law and all patriots get their heads sawn off.
Islamic Takeaway - A halal takeaway where patriots can obtain a kebab after a meet and greet. Patriots have been known to smash these up.
Curry Muncher - An endearing term used to describe ‘pakis’. Many patriots are curry munchers themselves and invariably go to the curry house after a heavy drinking session
Boozer - Can refer to a pub or an EDL Angel
Patriot - To be a patriot you have to be middle aged, bald and drunk and be able to handle yourself in a fight with other bald, middle aged drunk blokes. Patriots can invariably be seen in tacky hoodies and England flags with wrongly spelt messages on them.
British National Party - A dying political party run by a wonky eyed nazi which a patriot pretends he has never voted for.
Defending England - A load of middle aged bald blokes stood round in a car park drunk whilst chanting 'Allah is a paedo’
Camerooned - The sucker punch delivered to patriots across the nation when the Prime Minister described patriots as 'the sick of society'
Roonied - When a bald middle aged patriot wakes up with a hangover in bed with a woman older than his mother.
Paedophile - an Asian gentleman who may or may not have interfered with a child. There are almost no paedophiles amongst the patriot community if you discount Brett Moses, Richard Price, Miki Blue Eyes and those that have not yet been caught. Patriots must demonstrate against paedophiles but only if they of Asian appearance or a definite known 'paki'.
Stitch up – An act carried out by a judge or plod when a patriot has been banged up for racially motivated violence or fighting a fellow patriot at a demo.
Grief tourists - The highjacking of someone else’s tragedy to justify a spot of racism, 'paki' bashing and raise a bit of cash.
Dog/Stable/Horse - A tired cliche used to prove that British born Asians are not British, no matter what their passport says, even if it is the patron of a well used curry house that is used after a meet and greet.
Meet and Beat - The act of assembing a bunch of patriots, drinking until they piss themselves and smashing up a local kebab shop/vandalising a mosque.
Mosque - A place where 'pakis' hang out and make plans to indtroduce sharia law
MAC - Muslims Against Crusades, a small rag tag collection of beardy Muslim extremists who put the fear of god up any decent patriot. MAC invariably outwit patriots as demonstrated at the 9/11 memorial service when the EDL came out with all the bad press the next day.
Poppy Burner - Anyone who looks Middle Eastern or south Asian. All Muslims and anyone who looks like a Muslim is likely to burn poppies.
Muslamic Ray Gun - A fearful new weapon that 'pakis' are using on patriots.
Symbol - A mysterious symbol that has started appearing all over Oldham.
Bacon - A good patriot will never leave the door without bacon as if a 'paki' sees some bacon they will expand on the spot, blow up and will be defeated. A bit like kryptonite but not even slightly effective. There have been no known cases of Bacon defeating a Muslim.
A Pig – A pink animal in the genus Sus family, within the Suidae family of even-toed ungulates. Decent patriots will place a dead pig on a Mosque and the Muslim will remove it and put it in a bin or the patriot turns up at a Mosque with a pig on a lead. The patriot will invariably get injured by the pig whilst the Muslims will walk around it on their way to prayers.
Breiviking - The act of winding up fellow patriots with outrageous stories about ‘Pakis’ from the Daily Mail in the hope that their fellow patriot will be so outraged they will go out and kill a load of kids.
Christmas - A traditionally British festival held at the end of December which patriots have been banned from celebrating by 'pakis'.
Baa baa black sheep - a Traditional British children’s song that has been banned by 'pakis'
England flag - The flag of England. Patriots have been banned from flying this by 'pakis'
Thomas the Tank Engine - A lovable children's book train engine character who has been banned from celebrating Christmas by 'pakis'
A ruck - A fight between fellow patriots, plod or some local 'pakis'. A patriot invariably comes off worse in a ruck and ends up in court.
A non racist multicultural organisation - An organisation of patriots which include a token black guy, a token 'paki' who is really sikh and a Jewish division which is run by two mentally unstable non Jewish foreigners who support terrorism.
Infidels - Disillusioned fat, balding, drunk patriots who think the EDL are too PC for them and want to belong to a load of fat middle aged, bald, drunk blokes who are more openly racist and fascist
Hanging is too good - A phrase used by patriots to describe how they would sentence a 'paki' for over staying his parking ticket.
Sharia Law - A law which will come into effect in the next ten years and will apply to all patriots. Patriots will either be stoned to death or have their head removed by a saw. All patriots should demonstrate against this imminent law. Think of the children.
Illegal Immigrants - Anyone who looks a bit 'paki'.
'Paki shop' - a local corner store that patriots frequent to buy cans of Stella after the pub has closed. Usually owned by Asian people and important to the fabric of the average patriot's society.
Kebab shop - A fast food takeaway which harbors known terrorists, paedophiles and illegal immigrants. There can be up to 60 in any one place.
Pakistan - A large country which borders the south of the United States. Known for producing terrorists who creep over the Texas border in the dead of night and hide bombs in their underpants. Also home to 'pakis'. Most patriots dream of going on holiday in Cancun which is on the western most tip of Pakistan.